Feedback from a Canadian.

Feedback on the document. First, immense congratulations on an incredibly detailed comprehensive document. The following comments are meant only as feedback, and not in any way meant to take away from congratulations. The document is so dense that it would likely take me months to absorb so as to do it justice (and then distract me from other ways of contributing). Thus I can scan it, but I cannot not offer critique in detail (even if I had the expertise to do so). What would be most helpful to me would be a 4-5 page summary of key points, from whence I could then refer back to the document in depth if needed (by myself or others in discussion). This summary needs to be near the beginning and easily extracted from the main body, thus available for wider distribution. On a number of occasions, the transition from referencing the past to referencing the present is too rapid, and I was initially left in confusion. A specific example is on page 30, para 2 (past) to para 3 (present) “The President should . . .” A lead-in such as “In the current emergency response to global warming, the President should . . .” would be very helpful. What follows is a tricky point (please remember that i am simply telling my truths so as to be honest; this is the nature of feedback, not criticism): Overall, the document is heavily orientated to America. I am a Canadian. I am very aware of how, even in Canada, there is an anti-American stance that objects to the strong tendency of Americans to language as if the only country was America. And unfortunately this document is of that ilk. For example, America did not win the war — the Allies won the war, albeit the massive industrial weight of America was a major factor.But when you say America won the war, you lose the contributions of Canada, Britain, etc. I am not being picky; there are many other examples I could give. And the last thing needed at present is to alienate other communities, especially ones who wish to applaud the work you are doing. Global warming is a world issue, not an American issue. And it is an emotional issue, not just a technological one. If mobilization is to be effective , the mobilization must eventually be international in its scope. As a simple remedy, I would suggest adding a paragraph or two at the beginning in which you acknowledge the international scope, both of winning WWII and of global warming, and that the need is for international mobilization. You could then indicate that the current document addresses the American scene, and may provide a model for how international and other national bodies might respond in kind. Somewhere in the body of the document, you could then scope out how, for example, American and China might then interact more effectively. Again, thanks for all the work. Dave MacQuarrie, West Vancouver, BC.


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